He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
