You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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