Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize