life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
