Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
