if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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