don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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