I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
