First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
