you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's never too late to be topless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
