I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
