got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
