my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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