I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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