so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize