K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
