Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
