It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
