I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
