You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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