Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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