Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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