Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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