Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize