After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
