U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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