just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize