He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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