I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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