There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I could fuck to npr.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
