i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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