I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
