I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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