walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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