No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
