Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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