Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize