I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
