just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize