Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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