i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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