I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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