Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
