You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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