If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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