dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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