...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
