Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
