I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
