a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
