So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
