Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My penis needs a shock collar
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
