Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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