No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
