Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
