if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
