Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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