Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
