Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
