So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
