So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
