i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
