i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
