never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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