There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I puked a lego.
i was born a porn star she said
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
