The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
