Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He better not be in your backpack
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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