I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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