we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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