did you get engaged???
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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