I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
