True but thats because hes a fetus.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
