"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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