it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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