Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
