If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
