i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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