It's Friday. Sex?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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