pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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