that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
