The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
being pregnant is like rehab
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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