3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
