I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize