My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
