His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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