If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize