It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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