doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
