I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
