i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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