Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
