I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize