so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
