I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
