I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
