also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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