oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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