Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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