I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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