what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Mom said you looked used
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So vagazzling was a success
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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