I think i peed on brittanys purse
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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