I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I touched a dick in church today
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
