god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize