i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
