3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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